Ramadan Lessons, Communication, and Letting Go (Obligatory Ramadan Post #3)

I don't normally write personal musings here, but as this is Ramadan, and a time of reflection as well as fasting, I hope that you will bear with me.  (Not that I have tons and tons of people reading this blog anyway.)

During Ramadan, the conscious worshipper tries to use this time to make extra prayers, seek forgiveness from God, do good works (as cliché as that may sound), and reflect on the purpose of this life and how we would like to live it, among other things.

This last year and a half has been a challenge for me with devastating news of a personal nature and a surgery in March.  My level of patience has gone from perhaps a 7/10 to a 1 or 2/10.  So, my greatest prayer this year has been that Allah help me to learn patience.  Another thing that I am working on is learning to think first and act second.  I usually do think first, don't misunderstand, but I think that in my impatience I do harm to myself by not taking a breath during challenging situations and actually asking myself, Will I benefit in anyway by reacting/responding to this situation?.  I have found, in the past when I was better at this, that in almost all situations, it is better to say absolutely nothing.  We live in a global society that values and promotes communication (like this blog, for example) and we are absolutely inundated, sometimes to the point where it is harmful to our hearts and spirits, with communication from a million different sources.  We think this is great, right?  The height of civilization, right?  A sure sign of progress, right? 

Not so much.  This is my opinion anyway.  We cheer on the person who raises his voice and stands up for himself.  We call these people fearless and bright, real go getters. 

What about silence?  What about saying nothing?  What about closing the door to the emails and texts and constantly talking on the phone, scrolling through contacts on the Blackberry, checking the internet, turning on the television, listening to the iPod, the radio, the gossip.  It can be too much.  It can really choke us while leaving us unaware.

I saw an old message in my junk email folder today that ignited old anger and pain.  My knee jerk reaction was to act, to call the offender, let's call him Schmoe, and have a confrontation.  I realized that in a matter of less than a minute, I had made up my mind to be angry with Schmoe and make my bitterness and bad attitude known.  I was going to pout, dang it, and be generally unagreeable the next time I saw Schmoe.  I kept looking at this old message over and over again, my anger rising like steam, and I felt sick to my stomach.  I felt awful.  Then my quiet inner voice whispered, And how is this helping you?.  It wasn't.  I deleted the old message, swallowed hard, and let it go.  I just let it go.